"Alrighty... get comfy, we may be here a while."
Farrago looked at him strangely.
"I'm, as it's by now pretty obvious, not from around here. I come from another planet... possibly even another dimension. See, I was working on this project, a teleporter was my original intent... a method of transferring matter from point A to point B in nanoseconds. My original design was gettin' along pretty well... and I was gunna sell this thing. Makes me da big bucks, yo.
"So, anyway, my original plan was to test the teleporter by sending a hamster to Kansas. Seemed to work pretty well, I had it set to 10 times the power actually required. Then, I planned on sending myself to Mexico.”
The girl stared at him, completely confused.
“I like tacos.”
He said this as if it answered everything. She still looked entirely lost, but he seemed not to notice anymore, and went on.
“So, I crank up the power to as much as it can go. Figuring my body mass, along with my cybernetic arm, I had just enough energy transport me, not even near the 10 times I had for the hamster. But I tried anyway, ‘cuz I’m crezzeh like that. I pressed DA BIG BLOO BUTTON, and next thing I knew, my geeky arse was a few feet away from a hunchy albino.
"Needless to say, I hauled arse on outta there faster than you could say 'Bananarama'. But please don't. Anyway, I'm tryin' to find a way outta there, maybe get myself a donut, rebuild my machine, and teleport back to Earth. I'm runnin' through this hellhole, and what to my wondering eyes do appear, but an arseload of guards, and later, a queer. That Michael Jackson-wannabe happened to be Larkin the Shrike, he locked me up for... well, bein' in his castle without permission. I busted outta there, cracked open a coupl'a guard's skulls, and almost found my way out again. He caught me and locked me up again. Deja Vu. So, it takes me a while longer, but I get out, my killcount up to at least a dozen by now. Wipe out another half dozen or so guards, then I wind up in this room with this little boy. Looked to be around fifteen, possibly sixteen. Says his name is Tac or summat. So prettyboy shows up at the door, whines about breaking a nail or some shit like that, and then breaks the doors down. The little Tictac- TIC! That's his name. Tic is sittin' there in the corner, terrified (he was pretty scared of me for some reason, understandably so, after I crakced open that guard's head right in front of him. WHAM!) Anyway, Larkin and I go at it, he's girlyfightin', pullin' hair and scratching and- OK, if we had actually fistfought, that's prolly how it woulda gone. But the pussy came at me with an axe. So I slugged 'im in the gut, and he nearly killed me. Tic saved my life, distracted 'im when it counted. I took off, wound up at the front door, came back for my sword, and here I am."