And now for something completely different.

"No-bodeeee knows... the trouble I've seeeeeeeeeeeen..."
Matthias's voice rang and echoed in the dark, abandoned dungeon. His arms were cramped, exhausted, and stung like hell. He was now missing one shoe - a brilliant plan on his part to reach for the guard's keyring with his foot. As I'm sure everyone's noticed by now, Matthias suffers from a severe foresight deficiency, which prevented him from realizing he was wearing socks. So, there he hung, uni-shoed, angry, and filled with a dire need to urinate.
"Ngeeee...." he grunted, crossing his legs. He yelped, all his weight (and that's alot) suddenly put on his arms, and lowered his feet once again.
"GUARDS! GUARDS! COME QUICK!"
A minute later (they musta missed the 'quick' part), a pair of burly but stupid guards showed up, each one holding an electrical staff. They looked at Matthias and sneered. All their attention after that was diverted to the corpse of what used to be their collegue laying on the floor.
"It was horrible! The guard was talking about hating his life and he took off my shoe and beat himself in the face with it until he was dead! And I have to tinkle!"
The guards looked at each other, confused, then glared toward Matthias. "You speak lies, you filthy outlander."
"No, I really DO have to tinkle. BAD."
The guards exchanged glances, then turned away and whispered to one another, just loud enough for Matthias to catch a few words and some mumbling.
"He is just an outlander, and he doesn't look too strong... besides, he's unarmed. What harm could he do?"
"No, he's very much armed. Look at that thing! One crack and we'd wind up lookin' worse than O'Flaggelly there!"
"He won't hit us, there are two of us and one of him, and we have weapons."
"You aren't suggesting we unlock him, are you?!"
"Only for a moment! He needs to piss!"
"... If Larkin finds out, he'll have our heads."
"Larkin's probably asleep or something right now. Let him go, he's going to be dead in a few days anyway."
They turned back to Matthias, nodding. One guard closed and locked the cell door, the other unlocked his shackles. Then both levelled their staffs at him, scowling.
"Make it fast, outsider."
The cyborg nodded, then turned to a corner and unloaded his bladder. The guards waited impatiently, looking around the cell, everywhere but in the corner Matthias was in. After a few moments, he re-zipped his fly and turned around.
"Thanks. Appreciate it."
He put his other boot on, then stretched his arms. "You guards really aren't too bright, are you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Look at your buddy the body on the floor there. Notice anything missing?"
They examined for a moment, unsure. Finally, one came to the brilliant conclusion: "His staff is gone!"
Matthias smiled, pressing a button on his arm. A small hole appeared in it, from which he pulled the front half of the staff.
"I cut off the back... I won't need the reach."
The guards froze, unsure of what to do. If they attacked, they might not both make it out alive... the outlander's arm was looking even nastier now, and he had a weapon...
"Well?" he frowned impatiently. "What're you waitin' for? Let's dance."
The two charged. Matthias swung backward, grabbing onto a chain and lifting himself for a moment. This gave him enough time to deliver a two-booted kick to the first guard's face. The second struck skillfully, a landing blow - true, he was aiming for the head... but it was still a landing blow. Unfortunately for Matthias, the blow was to the metallic arm. It spun out of control, clipping the guard across the face, striking it's owner with equal force, then falling limp, throwing sparks from the shoulder, elbow, and wrist. Matthias cringed, then lunged forward, driving the staff INTO the first guard's chest - didn't take long for him to be very dead. The first had climbed back onto his feet by now, and was striking at his enemy with his shockstaff - not intended to be lethal, Larkin might not like that... merely to stun him. Not a good idea...
Matthias paused, then swung his entire body around, the weight of his metal arm slamming into the other guard's sternum. It threw him backward, causing him to trip over his fallen friend and land hard on his arse.
The cyborg chuckled, hopped over the cadaver, and drove the heel of his boot into the guard's nose. CRACK. Another brain-wound! WHOO! Two in one day! He made a mental note to reward himself with some pie when he got back home. IF he got back home.
He took both fallen guard's staffs, holding the middles of them both in his left hand. I'm gunna need to fix my arm... he thought as he left the cell. He didn't run anymore... if three of the guards were that stupid, hopefully the rest would be, so he really didn't have much to fear. He smirked at the thought, his boots clattering hard against the damp stone floor.