In the words of a great man... Bugguhwuggah.

"Hey. Hey you."
The guard in front of the bars of Matthias's cell turned around to look at him, electric staff in hand.
"Hey. You know what sucks?"
The guard paused, unsure of whether the question was rhetorical or not (he wasn't a very bright guard.)
"Being CHAINED TO A WALL tends to suck. As does being locked up. In a cage. Guarded by an incompetent peon with an obvious erectile dysfunction."
It took him a moment, but then the man sneered, the insult hitting home. He raised his staff, muttering profanities, and angled it through the bars so it would reach his captive.
"Oh. Whaddaya gunna do. Zap me?"
"Do I need to answer that?"
"I guess it's none of my business if you like prodding other men with elongated objects."
The guard paused, then scowled, his anger beginning to show. His arms and legs twitched, adrenaline pumping. "What's THAT supposed to mean?"
"Nothing! Nothing at all! I mean, this realm DOES seem kinda fairy-tale-ish... it's expected to find fairies."
The man fumed, his face turning red. He twitched, fumbling his keys one-handedly into the lock on Matthias's cell.
"Oh, and tell your mother thanks for last night. I owe her five bucks."
"I'LL KILL YOU, YOU FILTHY BASTARD!"
He ran toward the target of his frustration, sweat already beginning to pour down his forehead, his eyes clouded with red rage. Matthias thrust his weight aside suddenly, just barely dodging the taser.
"Whoa! I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was in the presence of a coward!"
He lunged toward his antagonist again, beginning to chant "Shut up".
"Put the staff down and fight like a man, it's not like I'm gunna dodge, I mean, Jesus, I'm chained to a friggin' wall."
The guard threw his staff aside and swung at his target's head. WHAP. Matthias jerked sideways, blood flying from his mouth. He fell limp, eyes fluttering shut. His attacker reeled back to swing again.
A scream from a nearby cell threw the guard off for a moment. Matthias took advantage of this distraction; he leapt up into the air, grabbed onto the metal bar which held his chains, and kicked the guard in the face as hard as he could.
With a thunk, the guard hit the ground, the bridge of nose driven up into his brain. Yup, he was very, very dead. And there was a puddle of blood to prove it.
Matthias smirked for a moment, then his face fell into a frown. Great, the guard is dead, and the door is open. But, unfortunately, you're still chained to a stone wall. He realized he hadn't thought ahead to the part where his captor fell over and he took the keys with the hands that HE COULDN'T USE since they were shackled to a huge piece of steel.
He released a sigh. "Well, this sucks."